Dear Best Friend,
I miss you, I miss our late nights, Playing TF2, our RPs, our general derpness,
I guess it’s boarding school’s fault really, I don’t get to stay up to catch you,
Time difference sucks.
But I want you to know, no matter how little we still talk(which we’re gonna start doing more again, because AIN’T LONG TILL SUMMER), I will never stop loving you, you are more that my best friend, you are my sister, my spacey little twin.
You’re wonderful Ela.
PS. Skype is a duck.
Dear Future Me,
// If you fail me, you better have a damn good explanation, slag. //
I’m scared, I really am, I have no idea if I can do what I’m about to,
What if I do fail again, just like every other year, what if I’m just not capable of completing my education,
What if I can’t support my family, what if I can’t make their dreams come true, what if I fail them too,
I’m so fucking scared you have no idea, I’m scared of not being good enough, not being able to be on my own, never being able to overcome my diagnoses,
Please, let’s do our best from now on and forth, we have to, for our sake and for our family’s sake.
Dear Past Me,
I know you strode for perfection, I know you always wanted to be the best, in class, at riding, handball, you had such willpower it was unbelievable,
I’m sorry I ruined it all,
Perfection means nothing to me anymore, I don’t care about being on top of class, I hardly ever ride anymore and handball is but a memory now,
I tore down everything you worked for,
But you will come to realize why it all came to an end, why all willpower was lost,
Look out for 2005 and 2006, it’s gonna be the roughest years of your life, it’s going to crush you, but I want you to remember, suicide isn’t the answer, so don’t consider it, don’t, you’ve still got a family that cares, even if part of it is gone by then, they’ll miss you, you’ll miss them,
You’re gonna make it, we’re gonna make it. Together.
So please hang in there, we’ll get our willpower back, just you wait for it, we’ll live for him, and then one day, we’ll show him someone to be proud of.
Keep fighting little one, you’re going to have great friends who love you, friends you can rely on and friends to share memories with.
Remember, everything’s gonna be okay, life’s gonna be better, I’ll make sure of that.